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Ranking The Best Trader Joes Cookies, To Set Your Weekend Off Right

Everybody loves a good cookie. Children love cookies; old people love cookies. Beautiful people love cookies; hideous monsters who work on the internet love cookies. Forget cocaine. Sugar + glutenis a hell of a drug. You know what else people love?Trader Joes. So we decided to combine two of the worlds favorite things in a ranking. Which is how I found myself with $40 worth of cookies in my kitchen on a rainy Wednesday afternoon.

The last time Iate a bunch of Trader Joes for science, I didnt feel so hot for a few days. Turns out binging seventeen frozen foods over a 24-hour span isnt the foundation of an impeccable health plan. This time, the results were even more dramatic. Because for such a small store, TJs is freakingloadedwith cookies. Theyre everywhere biscotti, cookie butter, frozen dough it never stops.

Am I complaining? Yes. Im basically a 19th-century coal miner. Ill die of Trader Joes ginger snap dust in my lungs. My family will be left with nothing but a tombstone made of cardboard cookie boxes. No pensions for old-timey laborers or modern day internet writers. Its a tragic tale, but well worth it to make you a happy (or at least an informed) shopper.

So here you go: The Best Trader Joes Cookies, Ranked.

I am a strong believer that even a bad cookie is still a cookie that I will enjoy. Or Iwas. But that was before gluten-free Joe-Joes touched my lips. That said: WHY DIDNT ANYONE WARN ME WHAT I WAS IN FOR?

These cookies are cursed. The taste is like smores gone wrong. And smores almost never do wrong, so not smores at all. Like the ghost of smores. The texture is a mix between dusty, crusted-over jell-o and stale Oreo thats been left in the back of your well-meaning grandmothers pantry for seven years. This cookie has offended me and my entire family and the whole of the eastern seaboard.

Rating:0 out of 10. What the hell, why would anyone buy this? If you cant eat gluten, just eat ice cream (if you cant have dairy either, youre screwed).

All The Best New Music From This Week That You Need To Hear

All The Best New Music From This Week That You Need To Hear